A decade under the influence

You know sometimes mobile phones can get screwed up,so you plug out their batteries and put it back in , then they instataneously work out normally , the way it did before . I wish I can do that to my life , whenever something goes wrong , I can just plug out a virtual battery from my virtual plug , installed in my brain whenever shit happens and put it back in , where everything will work out just fine . Sad to say , such things do not exist in life .

Sometimes I wish I could wake up and not feel that awful , familiar ball of gut wrenching dread at the thought of another day . Another day of smiling , pleases and thank yous , do this do that , grin and bear it , 'I'm fine' , 'Get your head out of the clouds'. Another day of the same people and trivial problems and meaningless chatter , and everyone's talking and no one's listening , no one's looking and no one sees anything . Another day of day dreaming about the futures , another day of feeling helpless and stuck . 

I wish all of that would go away so I could just be free to travel , do what I want , think for myself , do something that scares me everyday . 

You give me the voice to say it out loud

Its not easy, you know, having to carry all these burden on your own two shoulders. Having to keep every single information you listen to, digest and think and boggle your mind on them, to find that one precise solution only for the best of your people. Having to sacrifice every single minute, every free hour which belongs to you for other people's importance, for other people's benefits, but for your own satisfaction. 

Having to churn whatever people say, ignoring your feelings inside, leaving aside everything you seem to like. Having to understand people and accept the fact that people will never understand you- all they know is that you need to be perfect. Having to wake up every single morning, forgetting yesterday's bitterness and willing to accept any form of challenge He wants you to face, no matter how high the tide might be. 

Having to cry in your heart and make sure no one listens because they say, 'Then, you'll lose your pride.'. Having to remind yourself that you're as strong as steel and as brave as a lion, that if anything happens to you, you know you have got the biggest faith in you and there is no chance you'll regret. Having to learn how to care less about yourself and give all the attention to the others because you know that they dearly need you. Having to consult and advise, looking all wise when you actually, dreadfully need the same thing, but they think you need none of it because they label you WISE. Having to look like the stupidest kid in class and admit that you are not a brainiac or a super genius to cope up with all this crap and lies. 

Having to walk your life with the heaviest, heartless heart being so sure that nobody is concerned about you to at least know that all you need is a lending help and pieces of comforting words to release some laughter and carve a smile on your crooked face. Having to alleviate the tense, fight for the right, free yourself from strangling conditions- between pressurizing people who only know how to find faults, they're blind to see every hardships that you've crawled.

I talk about this here, and no where else.