I was enchanted to meet you

There's only two more days left in 2010 . Time passes by fast . And I was like wow . 

So how was 2010 for me ? Much better than I expected . Last year , all that I could say about 2010 was "2010's gonna suck , EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS " . But really , this year hasn't been that bad .

I guess that brings us to how I've changed . Contrary to what most people believe , I'm not that open with my feelings as I was before . There are quite a number of people ( I liked to believe I trust ) who I do tell them what's on my mind especially when I'm feeling like crap , but there's a whole lot more to that . I've never really told anyone everything about myself . Obviously there are some things that you gotta keep to yourself right ? But what I mean is , I guess I don't trust anyone enough to tell them about how I really , really feel sometimes . Get me ? No ? I don't think so . Because at the end of the day , the only person you can trust is yourself . True in some ways , but sometimes I doubt if I can even trust myself . And it's hard to really trust others because when you do , you're putting yourself in risk of getting hurt . In fact , you know you're gonna get hurt eventually when you trust someone you know ? But I guess even so , there are some people who are worth getting hurt for . If we all understand that everyone has their own battle to fight , insecurities to face , loves to contend and goals to attain , the world would be a gentler place .

Damnit , I'm beginning to talk crap . What happened to the talk of 2010 ?

There's really nothing much to elaborate I guess . Studies ? We'll how that goes next year . Finger crossed .

When reality speaks

One day , this all will become a part of the past we reminisce and laugh at . All our problems now will seem insignificant , the result of being young and naive . One day , this too , will pass us by and life will go on , things will change . Despite that , I don't live for the future . I live for now , because to me , right now is the only time that I've been guaranteed . I can't say for sure that I'll be here tomorrow . The present and what you do in it will determine how your world transitions , which path forward it will take out the unfathomable amounts of paths it could . 

The point is , even though all my problems now will fade , and eventually become something to look back on , I can't help but worry about them , can't help but try and think of a solution even though I know I'm not going to find one as I'm not one for dramatics , so I suppose I'll sit this out and watch from the side lines . Fate twists and turns in ways we cannot imagine and will never be able to comprehend . Sometimes it defies all law and logic of life , turning the blackest darkness into light . Other times , it crushes hopes into sorrow , and all we can do is sit and watch . Some people accept fate the way it is , others try to attempt it and change themselves , but in the end what is meant to happen will happen , and what isn't never will .

Undeniable

Memories don't go away , they just fade . Like deep scars , you can still see them after they are gone , or at the very least , you can feel them . They're still there , just a little less obvious , a little less painful than before . Nothing ever fades away completely , nothing disintegrates and ceases to exist completely . Forgetting something isn't hard . It's impossible . Hiding the memories away so you can't see them anymore , or pretending like it never happened , now that's possible but nothing , absolutely nothing , can stop those memories from appearing time to time , when they're tired of being locked away . When something draws them out . 

Life comes with no erasers , only correction tape . Correction tape covers things up but they're still there .

Things that count

Sometimes I wish I can save myself from falling to the ground . Not just myself , everyone . I'm pretty sure that everyone is tired with things going wrong all the time . You know , sometimes , I just feel like running to some place far , a place with unfamiliar faces . Because some of these people , they make you sick , don't they ? Trust me , they just do . I am avid about things I cannot know . If I were allowed to have an ability , I would love to read people's thoughts . Each and everything that lingers on their brains . In this way , I can find out what people really think of me , what was their first impression towards me . I also would know who my real friends are , and not get pissed off and disappointed all the time . I would stay away from hypocritical people and the ones who tries to bring me down . I'm tired on depending , believing , having faith on an individual . 

They won't just watch your hope fall , they'll step on it too .

Running from tomorrow

I always have a fear that a good inception will lead to a loathsome ending . Holidays always perish all those heavenly dream of relaxation . I know it sounds ironic but it does to me . Not to be dramatic but I don't like the idea of being isolated , it makes my confidence drain out . That might sounds selfish but I just don't want infelicity to crawl up myself and making me feel miserable . All the misunderstandings between us ; I hope it's venial . More years to come ahead us and all that I hope is ; we will not too caught up with ourselves and keep anything apart & away from each other . 

May just love rive up the years and no regrets :) Insyaallah , Amin . And I am definitely keeping my fingers cross that all the bonds between us solidify even harder and stronger than before .

 

I thank God ; we are still close like siblings and we still have that jollity that we used to had ♥ To be honest I just can't afford of loosing such awesome peeps like you guys ; Quraisha and Diana ♥

Taking chances

It's like walking againts the sea waves . It may be the thing you fear the most , but at the same time , you feel the sea breeze blowing right up to your face . Breathe the fresh air you can never get at home , you get the chance to picture something beautiful and unimaginable . That is how life is for me now . Believing . Taking chances . Eventhough everything seems to tearing apart , I'm still standing strong , there may be some impossible things coming along the way , but I'd never give up . Life has taught me so much .

Breathing gets harder than I expected

Things aren't really easy for me nowdays but I will go through it all with all the patience I have . Surprisingly , I remember each and every word that comes out from your mouth . My mind is always lingering with the thoughts of you . Seems like it was yesterday that everything happened . Somehow the more I try the more I fail . Like wow owh wow , I'm not surprised . 

You wanna start to get this interesting ? We shall . Stop being immature asshole . I mean like you're not two , you're twelve . Don't make yourself look like crap . Like seriously , you keep on talking behind my back and pretending like it's normal . If there is a lower word than pathetic , it would describe you perfectly.

Talking to the moon

Something occured in my mind today . About doubts . What is doubt ? Different people give different definitions and opinions . As for me , it means the loss of faith , hope and trust towards a particular something or maybe someone . What are you without doubts ? What are we without doubts ? Most importantly , what am I without doubts ? I whispered to myself , I am completely nothing without doubts . In fact , I doubt almost everyone . Unless you're known for your trustworthy self , I might just have faith in you . Gaining my trust is something that's pretty easy to do . But loosing it and try gaining it back might be a problem .

Another side of me has gone

I'm never alive these days . Half of me just flew to nowhere . Some things just go , you know . But I am ready to face any consequences for the wrong choices I made , I feel rebellious at this point of moment , I feel like getting involved in everything I would not want to . Contravaning rules of life . I don't always feel this way before . I'm not scared to be different , not at all . Impressive I must say . Some people are just happy with themselves . I feel envious all the time like seriously . Some people just don't care about their appearances , what they wear , how they talk and walk . Nothing would go wrong as long as they're comfortable with it . Well I can never be that person . I'm too insecure about myself . I care about what people might say and think . 

As much as I try to deny it , it's true .